Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
