Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
