Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize