I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
