This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize