Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
