I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
