Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
