So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
