would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
