Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
