theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
