the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
