for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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