I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
