i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
