If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
