i need an iv and a liver transplant
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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