You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
