do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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