Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
