I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dicks are not precious.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
