Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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