Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
