I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
