You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize