you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
