I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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