Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize