I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
