And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
