Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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