The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
