she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This is the high leading the old right now
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
