This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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