....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
no more duck duck goose at the bar
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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