The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
