I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
