Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
