i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
