Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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