I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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