he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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