last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
