btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize