I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Come see our sink grown plant.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
