I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
