why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
sarcasm needs its own font
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
