Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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