you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
