Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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