I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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