what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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