guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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