speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
