watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
