Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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