what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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