okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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