how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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