You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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