:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
