You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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