My first STD was from a foam party
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
