I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
