that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
