At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
