when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
