She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
