at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
