Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
