i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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