She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize