I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
