I wanna passion pit in your ass
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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