In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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