i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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