why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
