Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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