i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
