Come see our sink grown plant.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
