My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
