im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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