They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
