I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
