Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
