You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
