I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
