just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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