All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
