I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so let's talk penis.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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