It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
