I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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