Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
