Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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