Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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