oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
