While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Randomize
