this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you didnt know i had herpes?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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