An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
