Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
