i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
