he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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