Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
