just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
