Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
