she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
