You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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