too bad you live with your parents still
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
