pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
