She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
