I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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