Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize