There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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