Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
